HOW TO STAY AN UNAPPRECIATED ARTIST OF YOUR DAY

Hint: Never Use Online Media to Promote Your Work

Social media? Engagements? Search engine optimus prime? What is all this? Why can’t I just sell out a stadium with a message written on a toilet cubicle wall?

I hear you, friend. I used to feel the exact same way. I never wanted to use social media like Facebook back in the ancient days of 2007, and I’m pretty certain I was the last of my friends to adopt it. It’s not always comfortable promoting my work, but if I don’t, what’s the point?

But for those elusive and mysterious artists with integrity, you most certainly never want to build an audience who might actually support your work — that would be selling out!

So here’s a lot of clever ways to make sure that everything you write, paint or sing gets buried in the internet forever:

1. Never Use Hashtags

Or, even better, use irrelevant hashtags or misleading hashtags.

You understand that hashtags work to connect others to your work through hashtaging particular interests — so make sure in the event of a national tragedy or catastrophic event, your bathbomb business promotes itself using hashtags people are using at this terrible time! This will guarantee your page visitors get the ‘What the hell is this” reaction you’re looking for.

2. Use multiple platforms with inconsistent branding

Make sure everything is confusing but not incorporating any consistent imagery, colour palettes or fonts so that every visitor is forced to question whether or not you are a legitimate business. Don’t bother with logos either, just make something in paint and hope that it all works out.

3. Make sure you have dead links!

People love nothing more than discovering somebody they’ve never heard before, finding their online media platforms, then spend about 8 minutes trying to help the artists help themselves by clicking around annoyingly with dead link after dead link. Best achieved by never updating your online media profiles, always using links that quote the source material

4. Use hate speech everywhere

This makes sure you get banned and reported and ultimately uninvited to Janet’s wedding.

5. Never update your website or blog

Nothing screams ‘We’re Open!’ on a website than scrolling to the bottom of the page to find the years 2007 or 2013 to be the years that your website was last updated.

6. Never engage in conversations on Instagram or Twitter

Engaging with users on social media will only draw attention to your brand and raise your profile — avoid at all costs if you’re hoping to stay completely invisible to potential customers online.

7. Only post on social media when you want people to buy something

You want to appear offputting by only posting a “please buy this thing” announcement on your social media pages while never responding to customer questions or sharing relevant articles. That way, people only remember your business as annoying spam and they will either unsubscribe to your announcements or maybe even block your content altogether! Peace at last!

As you can see, there are endless ways to make sure that your content or products remain dusty in cyberspace and ensure a life long future of business obscurity! Best of luck!